What Went Wrong With Waukee Grad Who Killed Son, Self? (OPINION)
What Kelli Sly did to her young son and herself is incomprehensible -- until you understand that depression is more than just a bout of sadness.
You probably didn't know Kelli Sly, but in the last couple days, you've probably heard a lot about her.
The 23-year-old Waukee High School graduate made headlines over the weekend for allegedly killing her 2 year-old son, Gavin and then taking her own life by crashing her car into a concrete bridge support.
I bet I know what you're thinking, "How could she?"
That's what I thought too when I first heard the news. As a mom of three, stories like Sly's punch me right in the gut. I can't imagine how a mother could be driven to take the life of her own child and then her own.
Or can I?
Honestly, yeah, I can. In fact, if Kelli Sly were alive right now and she had confided in me that she was in a dark place and felt lost and unhappy, I'd tell you, "You know what? I can totally relate."
Sly's mother, Sherri Sinclair, told a reporter in an interview with KCCI that her daughter had battled depression and that things just never seemed to go right for Sly.
“She had tried to get help a number of different times and it just seemed like every time she was on the right track with something there was always another setback,” said Sinclair during an interview with KCCI on Sunday.
Been there. Done that.
Depression is a strange bird. It comes in all shapes and sizes and you just never know when or how it's going to manifest itself.
My own fight with depression never put me in the same place as it must have Sly, but I get where she was.
I describe depression as a pile of stuff sitting on a desk in your head. Your pile starts off small but then, eventually, things get added to it. In Sly's case, she lost a job, was going through a divorce and was struggling with child care. On top of it all, she had a 2-year-old son to care for, which brings more to the mix.
Eventually, that pile becomes too much and you end up underneath it, unable to dig your way out. You feel hopeless, sad and entirely inadequate. You try to talk yourself into digging out but the job seems too large for one person to handle.
That's what I assume happened to Kelli Sly. She ended up in a place she couldn't dig her way out of, so she decided it was time to just scrap the whole thing. Sadly, she took with her the only thing I can assume she felt she had any kind of control over - her son.
I'm by no means suggesting that what Sly did is right nor was it justified. I'm saying that depression puts seemingly normal people in a place that's hard to explain unless you've been there.
I just hope that she's in a better place now.
Mazie
9:22 am on Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Beautiful piece and a great perspective on a case that seems so easy to judge on the surface. Depression is a battle too heavy to comprehend without experience. Very well done.
Beth Dalbey
9:45 am on Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Jody, thanks for the perspective. Your column should be required reading for anyone rushing to judgment in this tragedy.
Anne Carothers-Kay
10:07 am on Tuesday, March 27, 2012
There's a lot of be said for pulling yourself up by your bootstraps, but when it comes to a certain level of depression, you just can't do it on your own, no matter how hard you try. At that point, people need medication to actually increase the brain chemicals to get out of it. I don't know if Kelli was on medication, or on the right medication, but it is so sad and scary that she got to the point where this seemed to be the only solution. I can't imagine the kind of pain and despair she must have been in.
Misty cooper
8:24 am on Wednesday, March 28, 2012
I have to say u did a very good job at this peice. I struggle from depression and its a hard place to be. The way you descibed it is pretty much how people with it feel like. Thank You for trying to get people to understand depression more. I think tje more people know the more they wont judge.
Sherri Sinclair
2:44 pm on Thursday, July 12, 2012
Jody - I just read your article and now, almost 4 months later I still struggle and probably always will. I just wanted you to know that it is probably the best article I've read and the comments too. I told Kelli that day if I could fix her problems, I would have done it years ago. I thought for so many years that we were dealing with anger issues resulting from the divorce. We had such a good time the night before, it was so hard to understand how things could go so wrong the very next day. I miss them terribly but I'm glad Gavin is with Kelli and that's just how it is - no matter who judges them. Thank you again for writing and helping all of us to understand. Sherri Sinclair
Brady Sinclair
7:11 pm on Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Jody, words can't describe how significant this piece means to me. My mom, Sherri Sinclair showed me this article and it honestly added a comforting perspective to this whole tragic situation. No one can truly understand what it's like unless you've been there yourself. Thank you so much for your humble opinion. Most people just want to exploit a tragic situation like this in the news, but not you. We all know she could've gotten help, but like I've been telling my mom. "You can't help someone who isn't willing to help themselves." And my sister was just in a deep, dark hole. I'm comforted knowing all the anger, depression, and dark thoughts that were consuming her life have manifested in her ultimately being with her son eternally. I try not to dwell her actions, but knowing it was what she needed to truly be happy with herself. Thank you, so much. You'll never know how much this means to us.
-Brady Sinclair